Where The Bears Are – Season 6: Episode 2 BEARS IN THEIR NATURAL HABITATOn October 5, 2019 by Raul Dinwiddie
Hey, Stevens, you’re still seeing that guy
who hocks adult diapers on TV? Well, he doesn’t do
that anymore, but, yes, he is my husband
for two years now. – Very cool.
– Congrats, Stevens. – Gay married?
– Yeah. Look at you. Say, which one’s the wife
and which one’s the husband… if you know what I mean? Which part fits where? Really, that’s none of your
fucking business, Hooper. Just fuckin’ with you.
I love you, Stevens. Even though you’re
a big ol’ homo. Well, I love you, too, man. Man, Stevens, I saw you
working out in the gym. You look good
for an old timer. The boss isn’t around, so you can knock it off
with the digs. No digs,
just paying you a compliment. Yeah. Feel free to compliment me
if you see anything you like. I’m married. Last week I drilled
Putin’s defense minister while licking Russian caviar
off the back of his neck. He was wearing
a wedding ring, too. Yeah, okay. I hope you won’t hold it against
me when I take that promotion. I hope you won’t hold it against
me when I tell you to fuck off. What the…?
Okay! Come on! All right! So, this is awkward. Our junk is touching. Mission accomplished. ♪Where the bears are
We wanna be♪ SEASON 6 EPISODE 2
BEARS IN THEIR NATURAL HABITAT INQUISITIVE CHANNEL They’re firing you? Yeah, well,
the official reason is they need the money for Cyril’s
expanded dressing room. That’s outrageous!
I’m good! I’m good! I’m sending my son
to grad school. That’s not cheap, you know. Cyril’s getting a
bigger dressing room and I’m not? Reggie, could you put
a good word in for me, please? I’d be happy as a tick
on a fat dog’s ass. Of course, Frank,
anything for you. You know I’m always here
for you, right? Step aside, Sling Blade!
Hot Arab at 2 o’clock! Sorry, only people
connected to the show can speak to the prince,
and I don’t recognize you. Oh, it’s okay, Rami.
He works here. I don’t just work here, I am the star of the show! Didn’t you see the giant poster
of me hanging on the wall – as you came in?
– Oh, no, no, no. I had that removed until
the one with both of us is ready now that
we have equal billing. Well, I certainly
know who you are. Prince Omar Al-Fayeed,
new owner of the Inquisitive Channel
and a huge fan of your work. Oh, well, thank you. I’m a huge fan of hot, hairy… …Arab men with lots of money. I was just telling Cyril, although the channel
is under new management,Murder Time
with Reggie Hatch– and Cyril Bowers. Well, actually if you were
to go by Q ratings, it should be“Murder Time
with Cyril Bowers… and Reggie Hatch.” Bam! Well, I considerMurder Time
to be our flagship series, and it will play a crucial role
in our future plans. Oh? – Watch out! Watch out!
– What the hell? Assassin, assassin! That is not an
assassin, you idiot. That’s Eddie.
He’s just here to make sure Cyril doesn’t try to chew
someone’s face off. Everybody’s so jumpy
when I’m around, but I’m really just a pussycat. Meow! My apologies, Your Highness. (buzzer sounds) Oh, they need me
and Cyril on set. Don’t go too far,
Your Highness. I would love to show you
around later. Maybe we can start
with my dressing room? Let’s go. Do you think they suspect
why we’re really here? No, I think we’re good. It’s not exactly a brain
trust around here. ONE DAY BEFORE THE MURDER What’s the issue
now, Dorkoff? We are already an hour
behind schedule, and I’m supposed to be
at home cooking dinner for my husband’s boss. Where the hell is Toby? Toby will be here. He’s wrapping up a meeting
with the producers right now. Oh, no, no, no, please, God.
Scott, tell me you’re not making him
a series regular. Relax. You’re going
to shoot and kill him just as I wrote in the original
script, all right? – Thank me!
– Thank you, Jesus. Yeah, we’re developing
a new sitcom and a character
just for him. – He is huge in social media.
– Huge. I’ve got to think
of a good name for that. What about,
Everybody Loves Toby? – Everybody does love Toby.
–That Darn Toby.– That Darn Toby.
–What’s Up with Toby?– What’s Up with Toby?
– Toby is so darn funny! – Toby! Toby! Toby!
– Toby! Toby! Toby! – What aboutNot Dorkoff?
– Yeah, exactly. Powder me. Stay strong, Nelson.
He will be gone soon, and everything
will be back to normal. I sure hope so,
because I am at my wit’s end. – What is it, Kenny?
– Oh, no, nothing. Kenny? Tell me,
you’re my best friend. You’re the only person that
talks to me on this entire set. Toby tweeted about you again. Oh, God! “What do you get when you breed
Nelson Dorkoff with a groundhog? Six more weeks
of bad acting.” That’s terrible,
that’s terrible. I’m gonna go.
I’ll see you later. God, I hate him! Give me some concealer, please? More. More, please. I call this board
of directors’ meeting for Sporting Wood Limited to order. I shall now commence
with the roll call. Creative Director and Head
Designer George Ridgemont? Check. Chief Model and Resident
Beefcake Chuck Chambers. Check. Founder and
CEO Woodrow Burns. Woodrow Burns! I can’t believe
he didn’t show. That’s you, Wood. Oh, right.
Oh, right. Check. So… now, first order of business:
company expansion plans. Well, I just invested
in a new dick pump that gives me an even
more pronounced bulge. That’s great, Chuck. But
I think we can go even bigger. Well, sure, as long as I can
submit the bill for penis-enlargement surgery
as a company expense. No, what I’m talking about
is starting a film division! Oh, Wood,
that’s a wonderful idea. I have always been
a frustrated filmmaker, ever since I was ten years old
and I did a shot-by-shot remake of Cecil B. DeMille’s
The Ten Commandments.I cast my cousin as Moses
and I played Nefretiri, originally played
by the amazing Ann Baxter. “Oh, Moses, Moses, you lovable,
adorable fool, you!” I want to make porn films! I don’t know, Wood. When I signed on for this, I didn’t expect to be starring
in porn movies. You don’t have to worry about
that, I’m gonna be the star. You just have to have
sex with me on camera. Oh, well, in that case,
no problem. And as the auteur,
in the tradition of my creative inspirations
Hitchcock, Truffaut, and of course, Almodovar, I will assemble all of the
elements into a bold, fresh, exciting mise-en-scène. Yeah, about that, George,
I think that we need to have an experienced porn director
on the set, so I’ve already put in a call
to Sebastian St. James. That man is a hack! He has no creative style,
no sense of vision. His last film, that musicalRimming in the Rain
was a critical disaster. I mean, who eats ass
in a thunderstorm? Well, I’m sorry, George,
my mind is made up. You can’t be the director, but
you could be on-set fluffer. Mmm, so, you think I’m going to spend
hours on end, on my knees, sucking on hot porn-star cock,
just to earn my paycheck? Uh, yah. You are so right! We’re making a movie! ♪Where the bears are
We wanna be♪ ♪Where the bears are
Where the bears are♪