Romance with a Co-Worker? Here’s What to Avoid!On October 19, 2019 by Raul Dinwiddie
I wanna bring someone into the conversation who hopefully will back me up, because, joining us on Skype, board certified psychiatrist and co-host of Marriage Boot Camp on We TV is Dr. Ish Major. So, Dr. Ish, will you back me up? (audience applauding) I had a friend during my training, who would regularly disappear in a busy environment. And then, come back about, yeah, he was busy. And come back, and it created such an awkward work environment, for me. Because, I knew, and they’re both still working with me the rest of the night. And, it’s so awkward! He wanted the attention. He wanted everybody to know. You know, other than, yeah yeah, other than sex at the workplace being fun, and new, and exciting, and adventurous, and all those things, there’s really nothing that great about it, right? (all laughing) The best way to avoid these office romance problems are just to avoid them all together. I come down on Dr. B’s side with this. You know, Dr. B, you are in the minority. You are in the minority, most of the time it just doesn’t end well. Then, what is your advice? Let’s say you do have an office workplace romance, and it doesn’t end well. Then how do you handle it? How do you continue to work with that person? Well, you know what, when it comes to breakups, the best way to get out of that relationship is handle it the exact same way you went into it, and that’s with love, and that’s with kindness. Because, remember, this workplace relationship, one of the cool things about it is, you’ve got a captive audience. Once it’s over, the bad part is, you’re now the one being held captive. And so, you wanna have those good working relationships once it’s– And in today’s workplace, so many laws, rules, and regulations in place about the workplace and employment law that, I don’t think it’s worth it. If you’re having a sexual relationship with a direct co-worker, I don’t think there’s any way it ends well, short of marriage. Because someone will get hurt, and it will end up effecting the workplace, and it may even go beyond that, because the truth is, there are so many elements of hierarchy, that to me is where, Dr. Ish, you run into trouble because, look, it’s not all fun and games when there’s this element of co-workers, hierarchy, and I don’t even wanna begin to think about that. I think especially in this era right now, I think your point is very well taken. That it’s one thing, I met my husband, we were colleagues on the same level. I think one in 10 people having sex at the workplace, are having sex with their boss, and in this era of Me Too, you really have to watch for that because it may not be a consensual, equal relationship. People may be trying to sleep to get ahead, in both genders, and there may be a lot of manipulation, and power struggles that come into play there, too. Like, what if you don’t wanna continue this relationship, but your partner is your boss, and your worried about breaking it off because you’re worried about getting fired. If you think it’s okay to force someone into making a decision about their romantic life based on what they need in their work life, then you’re wrong. And so, as you guys touched on it, the Me Too Movement has, at the very least, made us more aware of why this is such a horrible thing to do, and hopefully, less likely to engage in it, because often times, the power struggle is there, the positions aren’t equal, and so that’s just not a cool thing to do. Why do you think people are engaging in these risky behaviors? Well, because it’s new, and it’s fun, and exciting. You know, one of the best things about being in a long-term relationship is, you know what comes next. One of the worst things about being in a long-term relationship is, you know what comes next. And you’re bored to death. And so, this is their way of spicing things up, but you’ve gotta take that in-house, not out-of-house, and figure out a way to do that with your partner. Well, Dr. Ish, this is why you’re able to give so much advice, because, in relationships, alone they’re difficult, but then you add in all these external factors. We really appreciate you weighing in on this.