Ozzy Man Reviews: Slippery StairsOn August 13, 2019 by Raul Dinwiddie
Three Two One It’s go time Welcome to the greatest sport I’ve ever witnessed The aim of the game is to wear a tight rubber onesie And get to the top of the slippery as fuck staircase It requires focus, stamina and feet with grip. AWHHH golden boy has fucked it already Pinky, the orange wanker, frogman and Mr. Blue are going steady. Daredevil has a solid early lead No, frog man slips golden boy takes a hit and the orange wanker goes down too And daredevil He crashes out but manages to make it look awesome with a spinny trick The onlooking sheilas are thoroughly impressed with such a move It doesn’t take daredevil long to regain the lead though. He is almost at the treasure chest of glory I think there’s a check for 10 bucks or so in there AWHH NO disaster strikes. He’s a goner Mr. blue evaded trouble beautifully there Fuck me dead That was bloody specky mate Ahh bugger he fucked it straight away after doing a cool move. This guy is like: “that always happens, every time.” He’s saying: “cool moves are for jackasses, haha ha” Meanwhile Golden Boy has either broken his back, or he’s collecting his thoughts. Yeah, nah, ye na. He’s okay. He’s good He’s fucking golden Frog man Is the only one sticking it to daredevil at the moment. I don’t know what strategy he’s implementing here. However, fuck I think he’s gotten himself stuck. Yeah, nah. He looks like a dickhead that’s stuck It’s only a matter of time before he plummets Yep, fuck there he goes. Daredevil is a few steps from victory again But it’s not gonna happen And look at him trying to wipe out the entire field How’s bloody golden boy He desperately wanted to jump over the avalanche Unfortunately his brain and his legs could not make it happen Daredevil totally wanted to try and shit mix everyone Gee whiz now it’s time for a slow sad montage There’s bloody frog man getting stuck again Golden Boy wants to fall on his fuckin sword The orange wanker has done nothing, nothing Pinkie was exhausted five minutes ago And now Daredevil and Golden Boy sabotage each other Like classic selfish humans Then frog man sneaks up on daredevil And he’s like: “ohayoh gozaimasu motherfucker.” Golden Boy finally does a cool move He then has a fair dinkum chance of getting to the top Just one foot in front of the other Although he gives frog man every opportunity to catch up There’s a wrestling match and down they go All the way to the bottom together The host cracks the shit Pinky is ready to go home The poor bastard has had enough I tell you what there’s only one bloke who can truly end this It’s not Mr. Blue It’s not the orange wanker It’s gotta be frog man. You know it, I know it It’s gotta be him Even fucking Steve Aoki is like:
“come on frog man, do it.” He’s gonna do it, he’s gonna do it. The only person that can fuck him is himself right now And he’s won, he didn’t fuck himself He’s got the 10 bucks. He’s like: “Fuck yeah, that is a tremendous top notch victory.” Today’s game was brought to you by SUNTORY I don’t know who that is Hopefully it’s a good company He does a slide for fun And has probably snapped his coccyx Best sport ever!!