I’m here for you – Shine Helpline team leader

We get calls as limited as ‘I don’t know
why I’ve rung’. I just say ‘You’ve rung a helpline’. And then they’ll try and get
off the phone saying ‘I know that, don’t worry about it, I don’t want to talk
about it’ and I’ll say ‘Hang on, you seem like a nice person. How you doing today?’ It takes a lot of courage to reach out. Often they don’t
want anyone to know It’s soul-crushing for someone to have
to explain to someone, they’ve been married for 20 years and then sexually
abused by that same person. It’s a conversation that takes a lot of
strength. There’s shame, fear, ‘what will people say’, ‘my family won’t believe me,
his family won’t believe it’. Often they’re worried that if nobody has seen it, how can they prove it happened? They say to me ‘I won’t be able to prove it, I don’t know how’, and the relief that women feel when I tell them ‘You don’t have to
prove it, I believe you’. The Shine helpline is available to everyone in New Zealand, anybody who’s going through domestic violence can pick up the phone,
give us a call and talk about it. Our first priority is to listen and
understand the person’s story. Our second priority is to do a risk assessment. Once we understand the level of risk we can then assist them with a safety plan. So
if you’re being physically assaulted, what are your options at that point. If
you’re being psychologically abused, what are your options in a week’s time. Safety is paramount and we will do whatever we can to make sure that person is safe. I
say to them ‘I’m here for you, it’s my job to look after you today and I’ll do
whatever it takes to make sure you’re okay’. I think the majority of callers who
ring are just wanting to know that what they’re experiencing is domestic
violence. A lot of people out there need that affirmation from a professional.
They need to hear that being called names for the past 15 years of your
life is not right. That being threatened or punched regularly is not right – that
it’s against the law. People living day to day with abuse are
not able to process this, so we have to give them that extra support for them to
hear ‘Hey, you know what, it doesn’t matter what you did, that behaviour is not
acceptable. Shine’s helpline is often the first point of contact. It’s
make-or-break for someone who has picked up the phone for the first time in, say
10 years. There’s a variety of situations. Calls range from high risk, ‘It’s
happening now, he’s going to kill me’ to ‘Is it domestic violence if it’s
psychological? He doesn’t even hit me.’ Kids calling up saying ‘Mum and dad are
fighting. I’m scared. I saw your number on the TV. Don’t tell anyone I’m calling’. The helpline is a confidential service. Its
confidentiality tells people they’re not going to be penalised for asking for
help, that they’re not going to be judged. If you feel like you need to talk, just
pick up the phone – even if it’s to say ‘I don’t know why I’m calling’.
That’s okay, I’ll take care of that. Please support Shine to help people
reach out and talk to someone.

Written by Raul Dinwiddie