How To Be An Adventurer Episode 4 – Teamwork & Training?On October 1, 2019 by Raul Dinwiddie
Okay, so from the top. How did this happen? Well… Fire-bolt! *grunts* *more grunts* *even more grunts* *arrow* *arrow* *steal* *yoink* Oh come on! Well that was much easier than I thought. Hey Lily! Remember that thing about not fucking me?! YOU’RE CURRENTLY FUCKING ME RIGHT NOW!!! uhh, not my type. But those goblins think you’re pretty cute. But… Why? Why are you trying to kill me?! Well if not for this very nice knife and the fact that you’re an ASSHOLE! Well… Yeah… Besides, whose to say you that won’t just treat me like the other adventures who pushed me into this kind of life? Oh so you’re just systemically oppressed? Yeah, pretty much. Then how am I the asshole? Your problems are based off a bias towards furry people and the glass ceiling caused by that bias I, however, have always treated you with the utmost respect I say I’ve have been pretty fucking nice! Just like an adventurer to think that I need his help. I’m not giving you help, but I am giving you a paycheck. Which I have now paid you to effectively FUCK ME!!! And now you’re calling me a prostitute?! WELL, IF THE NORMAL BOOT FITS!!! *Fucking cool Intro* Hehehehe My social experiment is complete. *Footsteps* Aaaah! Ugh! You! I don’t have time for your shit right– Ooow! My face! You kicked me in my— *screams of pain* The Fuck! NO! I DO NOT CONSENT!! Alright alright, ca’ma down kid Ain’t nobody need’n to get too violent Here, catch! What the–!? WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SUPPOSE TO BE?! A proposition. You can face us and die tryin’, OR you can run away What good could possibly come of that? It’s fun for me, and that’s really the only reason I need You’re crazy!! EVIL! I- I’m out of here! *screams of death* (Oh damn) Well, that’s what he gets Now, Ms. Aad, gimme all you got And I’d be more than willing to help you How about you… …fuck right off?! I thought I was being generous!? But if you choose to be ungrateful–! *Screams* *Grunts hitting the ground* (What’s with The Last Of Us music?) Well This is it Guess i’m ‘ona die now I wonder if I pray? Would someone listen? Hey! Uh.. ‘F there’s anyone out there I can really use some help hold on Hephaestus, there’s an incoming prayer *clears throat* Hestia’s prayer hot-line, please hold Hestia? I-It’s me… Lilly. I’m a supporter and I’m about to die. OH~ MY~ ME~ Hephaestus, your never going to believe this! *Hestia laughing in background*
Lilly: I could die any moment! HURRY UP!! Okay, okay… I’ll tell you what. Join my familia and I’ll throw in one smiting. Free of charge. I need the money to leave my other familia Not my problem But I- No way You think I can afford to smite all willy-nilly? Looks like I have another prayer coming in. Don’t die! I guess… Thank you~! Pray again. Well… FUCK! I guess this really is the end. if I have any regrets. is that I couldn’t take those assholes. Lilly! O-Ohh… *Incoming screams* Firebolt! But why?! Why did you come back for me?! That’s funny that you think i’m doing this out of the kindness of my heart. NO I’M DOING THIS TO GET MY KNIFE BACK!!! You asshole! I know we’ve got a lot shit going on between us but I’m willing to overlook that for now… …And try to escape to the top. Cool? Cool. Let’s boogie! *Grunts with cool fighting scenes passing* *The same thing but with fire-bolts* Okay, now that that’s over- Gimme back my knife. You asshole! No, No! I just saved your life! You, on the other hand, have done everything’s assholeish for the past hour! Don’t you understand?! I was betraying you! *Ow!* Yes! Then I stole from you?! Yes! Then I abandoned you?! Yes, yes. If it’s the circle of hell that’s waiting for you for that shit, yes. Then why?! You wanna know? Yes?! You really wanna know?! I guess?! Alright then, I’ll tell you! I don’t have friends! And I just mean “friends”. Ones that don’t want my dick. Ana, Zeir, Hestia, maybe Riyu and Mamma Mia. Hestia forbid. But not you. I understand that this was an illusion of friendship. But I valued it. And I wanted it. You were the only friend-not friend I’ve ever have. You’re pathetic.. I know, and I’ve come to terms with that But I also see you, right in front of me… Someone, just as pathetic. So I think we can both a couple of pathetic friends, roaming the dungeons, killing monsters, And having an adventure. *Cries* *…and hugs* *…while crying* *Still crying* SO YOU KNEW ABOUT THIS?! The eyes of you’re goddess are always watching. BULLSHIT!!! You! I have sat around answering a damn hotline all day! I will not- take- this sass! Hotline? I was wondering where you made your money, because I don’t pay you. The prayer hotline, I sell smiting, plus some curses, hexes, enchantments, and I can change people into sheep! For the lonely Welsh. Alright, ya know if we’re bringing this up, how come I have seen none of this? It’s in our contract. The one I can’t see, because it’s on my back? That contract? That’s the one~. What else did you sneak in there? If we ever divorce, I get the kids We’re married?!? That too. Oh, where ‘s the butt predator? Bell~ Oh hey, uhh… Oh, fff—haa! No, no, no, no– aah!! Oh, sorry good chap. I was with my companion here. Fl~exigon Muscles! K BYE!!! *muffled complaints* That’s a bad boy! *Screams of… something* Bell! Don’t be rude! That doesn’t seem like the problem here. Why is she here?! No, no, no. WHY IS SHE HERE FOR ME?! Something about a favor? Well, you did it Ana, ya fucked me! HAPPY NOW?! Well… Damn. Yeah, it’s not happening! But… I asked you politely this time. To wear a collar. It just doesn’t work like that, Aiz! I have toys and a newspaper on the floor waiting for you at home. I will take you on walks three times a day, I’ll play with you, rub you belly, Make sure your house broken- Well, so~rry sore princess I’m already broken! And not interested Well… What if I gave you this thing that you lost in the dungeon yesterday? Know what this means? You’ve been fucking following me. This changes nothing. This is gonna be a thing with you, is it? That needs to stop! Shhhh. Let it happen. Are you prepared to work harder than you ever have before for the familia? Yes! Are you prepared to risk your life for the familia? Yes! Are you prepared to have sex with Hestia? NO! Okay, we’re good here. Now, let’s get down to business. Due to unfortunate obstructions… I was unable to report yesterday’s happenings. A~nd the good news? What? No. There is not good news. That’s pretty much it. O-Oh… well…W-Wha… How do we celebrate? The same way we always do! Killing monsters! I can’t go IN the dungeon. Ah, oh well! We’ll think of you! You are sleeping on the couch! (Distant) I sleep on the couch anyways! Trouble in paradise? Listen, Lilly. I ain’t gonna sugarcoat it. I don’t like you. I’m not happy about what you’ve done. I was awful. I was selfish and manipulative. I know that. Bell is the kindest adventurer I’ve ever worked with. Which is saying something because… You know… He’s Bell. I don’t like seeing the people I love hurt. But he’s much more forgiving than I am. What you went through is not an excuse in the slightest. We’ve all seen rough times. .When Zeus left, the Pantheon was a mess. When Bell’s grandpa died, he was a mess. We both managed. I was wrong, Hestia. I’m changing my alignment. Please give me a chance? I will give you a chance because that kid sees the good in you. Somehow… I won’t disappoint you. Better hope not. We have plenty of chains around here. *whimpers* Alright. Surrounded with no help. I’m right behind you! One knife. One victor. Oh. My. So… Everyone will wonder how one man could do this. *hums* NO, LILLY! THAT’S MY KILL! WHAT, VICTOR?! I WAS LAGGING!! Oh that looks like some fun~ Think you can handle this? BY YOURSELF?! I’m not apologizing for what I said. *Grunts* (Right in the kisser) What is wrong with you?! Fight me, nerd. No way. I like my testicles! I’ll give you a treat~ Are you still on about that?! You’re so soft. Thank you. I use good conditioner. PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE!! Then I repeat. Fight me, nerd. There’s no way around this, is there? Pretty much. Fuck me! I plan on it. Sit, the fuck- Sto—aah! I got– goaah! Please, no! Ahhh! Ha ha… So are we done, or are we finished? I just wanna go home. You see… the problem is you leave too many openings in your attacks. How did, you kicking my ass, become lecturing me? Do you want a pet? Are you horny? Or you’re acting like my fucking mother?! Oh okay, I see what’s going on here. You’re just crazy!! So just like that, you’re letting me go. I have grown to have a mutual respect for you. *laughs mockingly* Yeah, that, uh…. By definition, requires respect to be you know… “mutual”? I’m hungry… Yeah, can’t go around being a fucking psycho on a empty stomach, can ya? Two fried potatoes with extra red bean cream. On him. I was gonna pay for that, one way or another. IT’LL COST YOU YOUR DIIICCKKK! Bell: WHERE ARE YOU GETTING THESE JOBS?!
Hestia: ITS A DAY I SPEND! EVERY TIME WITH YOU DAMMIT! Aiz: Can I have my food? Okay, there are just some things you don’t do in public. Like flying at my face like a BITCH missile for one reason or another. Let me get the list! No! Why, Bell? (Sarcasticlly) I just enjoy being attacked by my overly jealous goddess lover It’s my favorite thing! Keep talking! You said you admired her! But I didn’t think you’d take her out! About that. Any feelings of admirations have changed as of late. I want your boyfriend to be my boyfriend too. You’re not helping! I have no choice. Bell has some sort of magnetic goddamn penis. I’m never gonna keep it to myself. So I get to share your boytoy? I.. am a man!! Ah, who am I kidding. I have dibs on this looser!