A Black Lady Sketch Show | No Makeup (Full Sketch) | HBOOn October 8, 2019 by Raul Dinwiddie
(PHONE RINGING) Hey, girl. Mm. 9:57 a.m.? Again, Shaela? You know we started calling you
office Lauryn Hill. Toni, I’m trying. It just takes so long
to beat this face. TONI: Then don’t. Girl, you got melanin. You don’t need Nars
when you got skin like ours. Okay, that’s cute for you,
Alicia Keys. But if I don’t wear makeup
somebody always asks, “Are you okay?
You look sick.” Oh, come on,
it’s not that serious. It is that serious! Okay, last time, I did not
wear makeup, I got pulled into being
a zombie onThe Walking Dead.Of course I did make 500 dollars
but it hurt my feelings. Did you get to meet Rick? ‘Cause that’s cool. No, that is not cool, okay? I don’t want people thinking
I look like death. Oh, well, it’s better
than looking unemployed. (CLOCK TICKING) TONI:Ooh, Shaela ’bout to get
Look who’s here before 9 a.m.! Well, well– Goddamn! (GASPS) Are you okay?! Who did this to you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I’m fine,
I just don’t have makeup on. Okay? I told you,
I knew you would do this. Oh, but I didn’t know,
how could I have known? Who would have known?
Oh, it was unknowable. Well, at least I saved
an hour getting ready. Besides, customers can’t see me
through the phone, who cares? (PHONE RINGING) SHAELA:
MealStone Coffee Company. How can I brew up an answer
for you? Sure, let me place you
on a brief hold. Girl. You ever steal coffee? I do. Okay! SHAELA: Okay, your shipment
is on its way. Oh, talk to you later,
percolator. Oh, Goddamn, Shaela. You look like you just walked
out of an ICU! Okay, now see that’s just
how you see me. This is just my natural face. Then you explain
how that natural IV’s hanging out of your natural arm. There’s no IV. (SCREAMS) Now shh,
I’m trying to do my work, I suggest you do the same. (PHONE RINGING) MealStone Coffee Company,
how’ve you “bean”? Oh, we came as soon as we could,
baby. Daddy’s here, daddy’s here. Jesus, please save my friend. Oh Reverend,
I’m glad you could come. Good looking out, Jesus. Okay sure, let me just place you
on a brief hold. Father God, we ask,
that you welcome this child into your kingdom
in your divine timing. Which will probably be
any minute now. If it hasn’t happened already. It’s in your name that we pray
over this near corpse. -Amen.
-ALL: Amen. Okay I’m back, sure. I can do that,
your shipment is on the way. What are you doing, Toni? You fuckin’
with my coffee commission. No, Shaela,
you are my best friend… at work. Okay, fine. But before you go,
I gotta tell you the truth. (HEART MONITOR BEEPING) I’m the one who’s been
eating your munchies. Son of a b– -(MONITOR FLATLINING)
-Baby? -Out of the way, out of the way.
-(TONI GASPS) -Clear.
-(DEFIBRILATOR CHARGING) Clear. (FLATLINE PINGS) Time of death, 9:22 a.m. (SOBBING) Oh no, oh no! -It’s okay, it’s okay.
-What happened? Come on now, come on. SHAELA’S DAD: Stop crying, baby. (GASPING) (CRYING) ♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪ (SNIFFLING) Hey, girl. You ready
to hit this happy hour? Shaela? Mm-mm. You died. Your home-going is on Saturday. No, it’s not. Oh shit, smudged my lipstick. Might as well start over. -(STAMMERING) No, no, no!
-♪ (SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC PLAYS) ♪ N– N– N– No! (YELPS) No!